The Feline and the Frockcoat
by Batwings79
Summary: Written in response to Kouw's Challenge 2013 on Tumblr. PWP One-shot: What happens when the Snake, the Toad and the Cat collide in the dark and hallowed halls of Hogwarts?


**_A/N: Better late than never with this entry for Kouw's Challenge 2013. This was written in response to the following prompt:_**

**_ Person A helps Person B hide from Person C. Awkwardness ensues. Any fandom, any pairing. Must include holding hands at some point._**

**_I decided to try my hand at a bit of Harry Potter and hope that I have kept Severus, Minerva and Umbridge at least somewhat in character!_**

**_Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling, I've only borrowed them long enough to respond to this challenge!_**

* * *

Severus Snape had just stepped into the corridor on his way to his laboratory when he collided with someone coming around from the adjacent hall. Looking down his long nose and ready to give short shrift to whomever it was that was running through _his_ dungeons in the middle of the night, he found his arms filled with Professor Minerva McGonagall.

Surprised, he tried to set her back on her feet but she continued to struggle against him and they both almost ended up on the floor. "Hold still, woman!" he growled and tried once again to right her with some success.

"Severus, you've got to hide me!" she hissed at him and looked around in a bit of a panic.

"Surely, you jest, Minerva?" he barked with his signature snarky smirk.

"Professor McGonagall?!" came a sing-song voice from around the corner.

Immediately recognizing the voice of Professor Umbridge and feeling Minerva stiffen beneath his hands, he turned to look up and down the hallway as the clip-clop of the pink toad's heels came ever closer. "What did you do this time, Minerva?" he sniped and tried to pull her towards a classroom.

"No time…" Minerva gasped out and lifted his arm above her head.

"Minerva!" he yelped as she slid beneath his billowy robes. Surprised as he was by her actions, he would have been hard pressed to deny that having her soft curves pressed tight against him and her breath warming the skin between his shoulder blades wasn't unpleasant.

"Is that Professor McGonagall you were speaking with, Professor Snape?" said Umbridge as she waddled into view.

"No, Headmistress Umbridge," his voice ending in a squeak when Minerva's nails dug into his hips, "Hmph…I was about to say that Minerva McGonagall knows better than roam the dungeons when _I_…am on duty." He raised himself to tower over the squat woman but immediately danced to one side when Minerva gave his bottom a hard pinch. He reached back with one hand to swat at her as she grasped the tails of his coat with both hands in an effort to keep step beneath his robes.

"Whatever is the matter, Professor Snape?" Umbridge asked coyly, beginning to suspect that something was amiss. "Hiding something….or _someone_…behind you?"

Taking hold of his robes, he drew them close around his body as he sneered down at her, "See for yourself, Prof…Headmistress Umbridge, I suppose next you'll be checking for _felines_ beneath my frockcoat?" He hoped that Minerva would pick up on his hint to change into her animagus form and soon felt her claws digging into his back as she climbed up his back beneath his coat.

"I doubt that you would allow Professor McGonagall to hide beneath your clothing," Umbridge replied with her own insolent sneer, "but I wouldn't doubt that you might hide her in _cat-form_ beneath the hem of your robes. Remove them at once!"

"Headmistress Umbridge, I draw the line at disrobing in the hallway!" he exclaimed and tried to turn away.

"Professor Snape," Umbridge's voice became flinty and hard, "you will disrobe, this instant and hold them in front of you so that I may see for myself that you are hiding nothing from me!"

His face froze into a mask of disdain and he tried to keep from wincing as Minerva tensed and slowly begin to squirm and claw her way around his ribcage to the front of his waistcoat. Unfastening his robes, he twisted suddenly to flourish them out in front of him so that Umbridge could see both sides and then held them to his chest as she walked around him to make her own inspection.

Covering his chest with his robes, his elbows settled on either side of Minerva as she pressed herself against his chest. He could feel her sides begin to heave, breathing faster and shallower as her panic rose. Using one arm, he managed to lift the small furry body up so that her nose was just peeking out through an opening between the buttons on his waistcoat. She squirmed as she began to take in the cool air and managed to work one small paw through the opening below. Eyes widening in surprise, he clasped the small paw in his hand to keep it hidden from view as Umbridge completed her circuit around him.

Raising a suggestive eyebrow at him, Umbridge said, "I can see that there is little but _you_ in your frockcoat and trousers, perhaps I should check beneath them anyway?" Snape almost doubled over as Minerva's claws bit sharply into his stomach and chest. "Is something wrong, Professor Snape? I should hope the thought was not _that_ unpleasant."

"Not at all…_Dolores_…" he recovered quickly, "I should think that would be inappropriate behavior…on both our parts. Not the best example to set for our impressionable students?" He tried in vain to plaster a sincere smile on his face as he ran his thumb back and forth across the leathery pad on the underside of her paw, in an effort to soothe the irate cat.

"You're right, of course," sighed Umbridge in disappointment, "another time perhaps? Oh, and please tell Professor McGonagall that I am looking for her….if you should see her later?"

"I shall," replied Snape with his silkiest tones, "Goodnight…._Dolores_…" He felt his stomach heave as the toad giggled and disappeared down the hallway.

Unbuttoning his waistcoat, he firmly grasped the grey tabby with the square markings around its eyes, by the nape of the neck and held the creature out in front of him. "And _you_…my dear, Minerva…_owe_ me!"

"Owe you for _what_, Severus?! Almost suffocating me?" she spat at him as she transformed into the handsome witch with the raven hair and the square reading glasses.

"Perhaps I should have," he sniped in return and pulled her against his chest, his fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of her neck. Pulling her head back almost roughly, he glared down at the anger that flashed in her eyes. Not used to the proximity, he found himself wanting to know how she tasted and fought the urge to crush his lips against hers. He quickly disentangled his fingers and took a step away from her, though for a moment, he thought he saw her look at him in disappointment. His own thoughts began to twist and turn as he wondered if she could possibly have felt anything herself, then he saw her eyes widen as she pointed at his chest. Looking down to where his shirt showed through the opening in his unbuttoned waistcoat, he saw several small spots of red begin to blossom on the snow white fabric.

"Oh Severus, I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to…" her voice trailed off in remorse, "How can I make it up to you?"

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he began to fasten the buttons on his waistcoat to hide the red stains. "I'm certain I'll think of something," he said sardonically and gave her an almost soft smile. "You on the other hand, had better be off before the pink toad changes her mind and comes back."

"At least let me help you…" she began expectantly and raised a hand to place it on his chest.

Severus grabbed her hand reflexively but softened his grip and gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. "I prefer to tend my own…_wounds_? Off with you now." He watched as she transformed back into her cat-form and started down the hall. He wondered for a moment if she were that much of a spitfire in bed and came to a sudden realization, "Minerva?"

The grey tabby turned to look back over her shoulder. "Friday night after supper?" he called out. She sat up straight and wrapped her tail around her paws as if she were a statue and cocked her head to one side in question.

"My chambers…and bring along that bottle of Talsiker 10 year….don't deny it!" he exclaimed when she raised the hair on her back and began to hiss at him, "Flitwick told me he gave you a bottle for your birthday!" She stopped hissing but continued to stare at him and he would have sworn the cat was pursing her lips at him in disapproval.

"I'll have the glasses polished and the chess board set up when you arrive."

She lowered her head in acquiescence and turned to stalk off down the hallway and into the night.

Severus turned towards his own chambers with a smirk as thoughts of felines and frockcoats danced in his head.


End file.
